Read all about the origins and the lives of Yaar and Agent Rattus.
|Who is Yaar?
How did he get to Earth?
How does Yaar propagate?
How does he feel about Agent Rattus?
What do you feed Yaar?
Who is Yaar?Yaar is The AlienRat, all of them! He has soft, bright purple fur with a lime green belly and tail and is the male of the species. His female counterpart also named Yaar is purple as well, with a bright pink belly and tail. Both sexes have incredibly huge almond-shaped eyes that strangely resemble black shiny PVC in texture.
How did he get to Earth?Yaar's spacecraft has landed in the forest somewhere in the South of England on a cold dark Winter night. Here's the whole story of how we came across him. He traveled the Galaxies aboard his flying saucer, armed only with his menacing Sneeze Ray Gun.
How does Yaar propagate?Yaar lays eggs. Both male and female can lay eggs. Apart from the varied pretty colours, there doesn't seem to be any valid reason for the two sexes in that species. They tend to hang upside down under ledges and roof edges and lay their progeny in small clusters. The young is smaller than the fully grown alienrat but the colours are the same from birth.
How does he feel about Agent Rattus?Now that is one silly question! Short answer would be Duh! but we will go a bit more in depth. Shortly after Yaar came to live with us, we kept getting increasingly regular visits from a man who alledgedly worked for the Gas Board. His ID card was convincing, he was in a dark suit and always wore glasses. Now, you must know that we found out later, that this man, was in fact not one but several similar men. And furthermore, they were NOT men, they were rats. Rats in Black.
One day, Agent Rattus we later found out, went to inspect our garage for a gas leak. Note that we have moved since Yaar came to live with us and there is no gas in our village, that has never stopped the "Gas Board" from paying us regular visits about a non-existant leak. So, there he barges into our garage where Yaar was raising his young. They were freshly hatched and running around the car, playing with a monkeywrench and a ratchet. We did not see him leave that night. And the playful squealing of the young had ceased, what a sad night that was for us all.
Agent Rattus had taken the young away for experiments. After the experiments were done, Agents Rattus agreed it was a shame to throw away the carcasses, so they fitted the cured skins with straps, thus transforming the young Yaar into handy rucksacks.
Yaar seeks vengeance.
What do you feed Yaar?Why, Pink Cheese™ of course!
|Who is Agent Rattus?
Where can Agent Rattus be found?
How do Rats in Black propagate?
How does he feel about AlienRat?
What do Rats in Black eat?
Who is Agent Rattus?Agent R. Rattus is a special agent who works for a Rat Government Agency which of course does not exist. The branch for which the Rats in Black work was not founded in the early 20's when the AlienRat spacecrafts were not first spotted. There was never a sighting of such spacecrafts, that is nonsense. There are no such beings as Alienrats and what people saw was a purple and green kite. Most information on Agent Rattus is classified, even though he and his colleagues do not exist.
Where can Agent Rattus be found?The Rat in Black preferred environment would be outside donut shops, as per tradition (you would find their North American counterparts, if there were any of course but they don't exist either, outside Dunkin Donuts and Tim Hortons). As there aren't that many in the UK, you can find Agent Rattus and his peers lurking outside cheese shops, delicatessens, and dairy farms.
How do Rats in Black propagate?They don't, they don't exist, stop asking stupid questions. But if they did exist, hypothetically, one would assume you would have to put one female Rattus and one male Rattus together and 21-23 days later, you would have a litter of wriggling Rats in Black (not)-to-be. Their suit is part of the genetic make up of the rat in black. It grows in lieu of fur. The female Rat in Black grows a skirt suit instead of the better known trouser suit.
How does he feel about Alienrat?AlienRat should be exterminated and made into rucksacks! They are a pest to be avoided at all cost! Of course they do not exist, but Yaar has taken it upon himself to avenge the death of his young. He has abducted several Rats in Black into his spacecraft over the years, and in light of the recent turn of events, he has decided to start his very own line of Rat in Black rucksacks. Of course he has taken great care not to damage the Rat in Black's suits when probing and prodding them to death in alien experiments, providing you with high quality Rat in Black skins fitted with similar straps as Agent Rattus used on the skins of Yaar's young.
Upon his last visit to check our gas leak, Agent Rattus has declared war on Yaar.
What do Rats in Black eat?We have spotted the Rat in Black eating bits of cheese, but they seem to be most fond of doughnuts, biscuits, pies and egg mayonnaise sandwiches.